Still Striving to improve myself, one board break at a time

Posts tagged ‘Weight Watchers’

Starting over, only better

I gained. I weighed in last night and found out that I gained.  I was pissed.  I wasn’t just pissed, I was massively pissed. I still am, however, it’s nobody’s fault but my own. I am the only one who can change this.  I had a long talk with my Leader and told her I wasn’t feeling the motivation.  I don’t have an anchor. We had an exercise a few weeks ago where we thought about what we could use as our anchor-the motivation to keep us on our path.  I couldn’t visibly come up with one. I got discouraged and frustrated. And I let other stupid, outside things bother me.  That’s not really me. I can’t be stupid like that.  I need to get over that and move on.

Fast forward to last night.  I told my Leader that I was unhappy and not feeling good about things.  She advised me to focus on the positives and not beat myself up over the negatives.  I am working on that. I may have found my anchor-my bike.  I posted a picture of it and am thinking that my goal to be able to ride up hills without stopping and walking may be my point of motivation.  I have what others don’t have.  I have good health.  I have reasonably good weather (even despite the humidity!). I have a supportive husband and the few friends who are there and keep pushing me to succeed. I will make it happen.

I don’t expect everything to happen all at once, but I do expect that I’ll be riding my bike every day of the week by the end of June. That’s a reasonable goal to set and achieve. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not other people.  I am myself.  If I keep trying to compare myself to others, I will be one highly unhappy person. Therefore, I am blocking out the negative thoughts I had about their successes (“Why can’t I be the one losing a billion pounds?” “Why can’t I spend my free time in a gym, working out?” “Why don’t I have the support system other people have?”)  I am not other people. This isn’t about them, it’s about me, and only me.

I’ve started over.  I’m using MyFitnessPal to document my food and exercise. I have a Fitbit to track my daily activity levels.  I debate on whether or not to spend another $35.00 to get a ActivLink from Weight Watchers to go along with my Fitbit.  That entails a $5.00/month subscription to upload my activity to eTools.  I haven’t justified that to myself yet. I will concentrate on one thing at a time. This week, my plan is to use MFP to document my food and activity. If you have an MFP account, you’re welcome to “friend” me.  The more friends I have, the more I’ll use it and do what I’m supposed to do, which is to document and make things work. Otherwise, just ask me if I’ve worked out.  That helps, believe it or not. Just send me a message and I’ll give you my MFP user name.

Speaking of working out…I’m doing a squat challenge with a friend.  Today’s total is 70. Tomorrow is 75, then 80.  Then we rest and go after it again with 80, 85, 90.  I think that’s how I read it.  7 sets of 10 reps. Otherwise I have to do 6 sets of 12 and that’s an odd number. Well, you know what?  Who cares? I’ll do it anyway, just to be difficult. I did find that it helped yesterday.  My mantra, while I was out on my bike, was “My legs are stronger. My legs are stronger.” My legs won’t be the only thing stronger.  My mind will also be stronger. As I work on my physical strength and weight loss, I’m also working on my mental health.  I need to ditch the baggage that says I’m not good enough.  I AM good enough. I am me and only me. I’m responsible for how I feel/what I do. I feel good and plan on keeping it that way.

 

Kryptonite and Confidence

What is your Kryptonite?  My mind, that obnoxious little voice in my head that tells me I have to be in competition with others, that I’m not as good as them, etc. is my Kryptonite. That little voice wears down my confidence.

After the excitement of losing my 10%, I didn’t go to two meetings and definitely didn’t track.  It showed up on the scale last week.  I committed myself to tracking again—my leader says “You only plan to lose weight on the days you track.”  I listened and tracked.  I upped my water as I’d slacked off on drinking and instead, netted a gain of .2. That, in and of itself, is not overly bad. It’s just frustrating on top of what I saw last week. I know it’s all a part of the cycle, but I was irritated and then some. I did weigh in though.  That could have been a “nope.  Not going to do it.”  I faced the music and owned my weight.  Wasn’t pleased.  Still am not, but am doing something about it.

On Facebook, I am constantly bombarded by people who share their apparent successes all the time.  I never see them telling people that they’ve had setbacks.  I get frustrated by that because I’m sure they do have setbacks.  I wonder if they think that people won’t be cheering them on if they admit to it? I guess it’s a matter of how they perceive their reality.  I really have to stop basing my success vision on what I see other people doing/saying.  I don’t know how much of what they’re posting is just a “I’m going to post because people expect me to post feel good stuff.”

I struggle with motivation to exercise.  I don’t LIKE to work out. I was recently told that I need to be putting in a couple of hours a day in order to meet an unrealistic goal I set. I have since changed that goal because 1. It was highly unrealistic and 2. I want to do things in a healthy way, not an obsessed way. I don’t have the money to spend hours in a gym every day. The main reason I don’t want to go to a gym, in addition to the lack of funding, is that I feel like people are staring at me and judging me.  I’m 5’4″ and carry my weight in my stomach, butt, hips and thighs.  I am highly self conscious.  I don’t want to have some uber fit people stare at me and say “why is that fat person here?”  Yes, I know that the uber fit people are more likely not interested in one lowly person like me, but it’s my perception. That’s the self consciousness talking. It demonstrates a lack of confidence in myself.

I was invited to a group on Facebook to “skip the weighing in May”.  I won’t be joining, mainly because that’s my accountability of success.  Yes, it’s only numbers on the scale, but…that’s how I track my personal success. These people that are running that group are very supportive of each other and cheer each other on constantly.  Sometimes I wish they’d actually hunt me down, either on my page or in messages and ask me, “how are you doing?”  I do feel like they’re disgusted with me and refuse to talk to me because I don’t belong to their support groups and things. Again, it’s my perception of things. I kind of would like to see a message from them saying “keep it up!” They look at my pictures and share those, but there isn’t ever a pat on the back or an ‘atta-girl’.  Sometimes that means a lot. Maybe not to a lot of people, but to this person who is desperate for some recognition for making changes that are just as significant as what others are doing, it’s a lot. Again, this is a confidence issue.  I don’t want to compare myself to these people who lose all the time, who are not struggling with mental issues about weight and self image. I don’t need that and frankly, while I’m flattered that they invited me, I question why they asked me.  I’m sure it was about being nice and trying to be supportive.

This isn’t about other people. It’s about ME.  Yes, I gained. Am I happy about it?  Oh hell no! I am in control of my own destiny.  I will get this off. I don’t plan on it taking me another 8 months to reach 10%. I plan on making my next 10% in the next four months or so. It’s doable.  I won’t tell you how much I have to lose, but it’s a lot. Let’s just say that by the end of May, I want to be 2 inches smaller (I guess I better take measurements now!), I want to be exercising at least 3 times a week (this will happen, guaranteed!) and I want to be more confident in myself.

Once upon a time, I earned a black belt.  I was a lot heavier then than I am now.  I want to get that confident feeling back.  I want to feel as accomplished as I did then. I want to be healthy and happy.  I admit I have problems.  I am a food addict, I lack self confidence and I want acknowledgement that I am just as good as other people. I need to stop competing with people because it makes me feel resentful of their successes and makes me demean myself. I am just as good as anyone else. I have to stop comparing myself to them. I am a good person.  I just need to remember this and repeat it constantly.

 

 

A Milestone Reached and a heartfelt Thank you!

Thursday nights are supposed to be my rest nights from my workouts that I attempt at home.  They’re also my weekly Weight Watchers meeting nights.  One of the ladies I attend meetings with and I have been emailing and texting back and forth. She asked me was I attending tonight.  I said, “Yes, but I don’t want to weigh in.  I will, however, because even though I don’t want to, I need to.” Therefore, I went, I weighed, I came away happy.

I don’t exercise consistently and I’m sure I don’t track like I’m supposed to.  I do know that I feel much better than I have felt in a long time.  (We don’t talk about my injuries which are pretty much caused by me, myself and I…) This 10% is a lot of determination, work, lack of work and a lot of support by people who care about me.  I can count on the people who actively support me. They are the ones I  want to dedicate this milestone to. If I didn’t have those few people, I wouldn’t have the successes I’ve seen  recently.  I have been actively encouraged by my friends to keep up with what I am doing.  I have people who tell me, “you look really good…” etc.  They’re not the ones who are telling me “Keep going.  You CAN do it.” These people have encouraged me actively to own my mistakes.  Well, you guys are the reason for this.

Thank you.

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Sunday Exercise plan

By now, you know that I struggle immensely with my weight. I am a committed Weight Watchers follower.  I’m a ‘wanna be’ on the exercise department.  I don’t go out and work out at a gym. I am a ‘home exerciser’.  I have a select few people I trust to egg me on, to be there to cheer for me and to literally kick my butt when I get whiny and feel sorry for myself. It’s an investment they’re making in me, that belief that I will succeed.  I can’t do less than prove them right.

I know that I’ve been rather negative about things that have really irritated me, but I’m trying a new tactic.  The people who make it a point to post on Facebook daily about how they spent 4+ hours in their gym?  Good job!  Spend another 4+ hours there tomorrow.  And the day after. Glad you’re making that change to your life!  I used to feel like I was having it shoved down my throat, like it was a “Look at me! I’m better than you because I work out all the time!”  I’ve since taken a look at what they’re doing (getting healthier) and looked at what I do for myself and it’s basically the same thing?  I can’t afford a gym, so my gym is my living room, with Shaun T’s Hip Hop Abs and Rockin’ Body DVDs.  When I get bored with that, I have a bicycle and some of the prettiest weather there is during the winter. So no, their “bragging” isn’t bugging me anymore.  I’m glad they’re doing what they do.  I do what I do, but don’t post it routinely.  I post a different sort of a thing to my people who hold me accountable for my actions.

Sure, it’s rough.  I wasn’t exercising regularly about 3 months ago. I joined a group and am expected to exercise every day, so I do. Even if it’s just belly dance, it’s working out.  It’s MOVING. That’s what I need.

I’m celebrating, in a small way.  I’m under the double century mark.  I hit 198.8 this morning, which is a LOT lighter than I’ve been in forever.  No, I’m not all bulked up with muscle.  Yes, I do eat and no, not always “right.  However, I made the decision that this is for me and me alone.  No competition with anyone else. So if I see someone posting their exercise success, I’ll applaud them from here, quietly, then go back to what I’m doing. As long as the Accountability group knows what I’m doing, and as long as my weigh ins at WW are continuing that tiny step down every week, I’ll be fine.  So it’s not a ginormous loss! My husband pointed out that I “didn’t get where I am overnight, so why should I expect it to all come off overnight?”  Of course, he has to be the sensible one and make me say “D’OH!” 

I’ve got to go now.  I have a bike ride planned and I want to get moving.  I have an appointment this afternoon that I want to feel like I truly earned and this bike ride is going to do it for me.

 

 

You must want something to make it happen

I’ve been on and off Weight Watchers for many rounds during my adult life.  I had lost a great deal of weight while I was in training to earn my black belt, but wound up slacking off.  That was 2006-2007. Then I re-joined Weight Watchers in 2009, but for a short time.  I wasn’t nearly as successful as I thought I should be.  That incarnation didn’t last long because I was attempting it all Online, not by attending meetings.

In 2012, I decided that enough was enough.  I needed to get my eating under control.  Weight Watchers was the logical choice for me because I am a very hard-headed person who doesn’t like being told what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat.  I am extremely rebellious in that sense.  Bear in mind, I’ve had numerous suggestions that I needed to have lap band surgery, I needed to eat less, join Jenny Craig, do Medifast, whatever. Weight loss is a high dollar industry.

I decided that I was going to re-join Weight Watchers.  I WANT this. I WANT to be successful.  I WILL be successful.  I need the accountability and I get it. This is a change of seasons, so to speak.  No more am I subscribing to the “I can’t lose weight” mentality. I don’t care if people think I’m odd for counting points and for being obsessed by my weight.  I have to.  I WANT to.  Want is the driving factor here.

I have had a good experience this time around.  I’m finding that I want to eat healthier and that now it’s rubbing off on my children.  They are learning to make better choices. We’re changing our lifestyles to suit US. There is no push from external forces to follow any special plan. It is our lifestyle, our plan, our wants. For once, we are living the way we should–not according to any one person’s mandate, but as a healthy, happy family.

I joined a fitness challenge because I wanted to join it. It’s a thirty day fitness challenge. I’ve already gone out of my comfort zone by posting a couple of pictures and my weight and my measurements. I don’t like the measurements and the pictures, but I’m not going to weasel out of my group. I have the support of a few people who are near and dear to me.  They encouraged me to join this venture. I am going to see how the next thirty days pans out. I feel confident that I will be successful-because I want to.

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