I gained. I weighed in last night and found out that I gained. I was pissed. I wasn’t just pissed, I was massively pissed. I still am, however, it’s nobody’s fault but my own. I am the only one who can change this. I had a long talk with my Leader and told her I wasn’t feeling the motivation. I don’t have an anchor. We had an exercise a few weeks ago where we thought about what we could use as our anchor-the motivation to keep us on our path. I couldn’t visibly come up with one. I got discouraged and frustrated. And I let other stupid, outside things bother me. That’s not really me. I can’t be stupid like that. I need to get over that and move on.
Fast forward to last night. I told my Leader that I was unhappy and not feeling good about things. She advised me to focus on the positives and not beat myself up over the negatives. I am working on that. I may have found my anchor-my bike. I posted a picture of it and am thinking that my goal to be able to ride up hills without stopping and walking may be my point of motivation. I have what others don’t have. I have good health. I have reasonably good weather (even despite the humidity!). I have a supportive husband and the few friends who are there and keep pushing me to succeed. I will make it happen.
I don’t expect everything to happen all at once, but I do expect that I’ll be riding my bike every day of the week by the end of June. That’s a reasonable goal to set and achieve. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not other people. I am myself. If I keep trying to compare myself to others, I will be one highly unhappy person. Therefore, I am blocking out the negative thoughts I had about their successes (“Why can’t I be the one losing a billion pounds?” “Why can’t I spend my free time in a gym, working out?” “Why don’t I have the support system other people have?”) I am not other people. This isn’t about them, it’s about me, and only me.
I’ve started over. I’m using MyFitnessPal to document my food and exercise. I have a Fitbit to track my daily activity levels. I debate on whether or not to spend another $35.00 to get a ActivLink from Weight Watchers to go along with my Fitbit. That entails a $5.00/month subscription to upload my activity to eTools. I haven’t justified that to myself yet. I will concentrate on one thing at a time. This week, my plan is to use MFP to document my food and activity. If you have an MFP account, you’re welcome to “friend” me. The more friends I have, the more I’ll use it and do what I’m supposed to do, which is to document and make things work. Otherwise, just ask me if I’ve worked out. That helps, believe it or not. Just send me a message and I’ll give you my MFP user name.
Speaking of working out…I’m doing a squat challenge with a friend. Today’s total is 70. Tomorrow is 75, then 80. Then we rest and go after it again with 80, 85, 90. I think that’s how I read it. 7 sets of 10 reps. Otherwise I have to do 6 sets of 12 and that’s an odd number. Well, you know what? Who cares? I’ll do it anyway, just to be difficult. I did find that it helped yesterday. My mantra, while I was out on my bike, was “My legs are stronger. My legs are stronger.” My legs won’t be the only thing stronger. My mind will also be stronger. As I work on my physical strength and weight loss, I’m also working on my mental health. I need to ditch the baggage that says I’m not good enough. I AM good enough. I am me and only me. I’m responsible for how I feel/what I do. I feel good and plan on keeping it that way.