Still Striving to improve myself, one board break at a time

Posts tagged ‘motivation’

Starting over, only better

I gained. I weighed in last night and found out that I gained.  I was pissed.  I wasn’t just pissed, I was massively pissed. I still am, however, it’s nobody’s fault but my own. I am the only one who can change this.  I had a long talk with my Leader and told her I wasn’t feeling the motivation.  I don’t have an anchor. We had an exercise a few weeks ago where we thought about what we could use as our anchor-the motivation to keep us on our path.  I couldn’t visibly come up with one. I got discouraged and frustrated. And I let other stupid, outside things bother me.  That’s not really me. I can’t be stupid like that.  I need to get over that and move on.

Fast forward to last night.  I told my Leader that I was unhappy and not feeling good about things.  She advised me to focus on the positives and not beat myself up over the negatives.  I am working on that. I may have found my anchor-my bike.  I posted a picture of it and am thinking that my goal to be able to ride up hills without stopping and walking may be my point of motivation.  I have what others don’t have.  I have good health.  I have reasonably good weather (even despite the humidity!). I have a supportive husband and the few friends who are there and keep pushing me to succeed. I will make it happen.

I don’t expect everything to happen all at once, but I do expect that I’ll be riding my bike every day of the week by the end of June. That’s a reasonable goal to set and achieve. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not other people.  I am myself.  If I keep trying to compare myself to others, I will be one highly unhappy person. Therefore, I am blocking out the negative thoughts I had about their successes (“Why can’t I be the one losing a billion pounds?” “Why can’t I spend my free time in a gym, working out?” “Why don’t I have the support system other people have?”)  I am not other people. This isn’t about them, it’s about me, and only me.

I’ve started over.  I’m using MyFitnessPal to document my food and exercise. I have a Fitbit to track my daily activity levels.  I debate on whether or not to spend another $35.00 to get a ActivLink from Weight Watchers to go along with my Fitbit.  That entails a $5.00/month subscription to upload my activity to eTools.  I haven’t justified that to myself yet. I will concentrate on one thing at a time. This week, my plan is to use MFP to document my food and activity. If you have an MFP account, you’re welcome to “friend” me.  The more friends I have, the more I’ll use it and do what I’m supposed to do, which is to document and make things work. Otherwise, just ask me if I’ve worked out.  That helps, believe it or not. Just send me a message and I’ll give you my MFP user name.

Speaking of working out…I’m doing a squat challenge with a friend.  Today’s total is 70. Tomorrow is 75, then 80.  Then we rest and go after it again with 80, 85, 90.  I think that’s how I read it.  7 sets of 10 reps. Otherwise I have to do 6 sets of 12 and that’s an odd number. Well, you know what?  Who cares? I’ll do it anyway, just to be difficult. I did find that it helped yesterday.  My mantra, while I was out on my bike, was “My legs are stronger. My legs are stronger.” My legs won’t be the only thing stronger.  My mind will also be stronger. As I work on my physical strength and weight loss, I’m also working on my mental health.  I need to ditch the baggage that says I’m not good enough.  I AM good enough. I am me and only me. I’m responsible for how I feel/what I do. I feel good and plan on keeping it that way.


Activity is a challenge…

This week, I think I’m making activity a priority.  I have things going on every day this week, but I’m sure I can get some activity in and make it something I would miss this week.

Today, I mowed my lawn.  I spent 1:19:59 in the yard, walked 1.23 miles and managed to burn “443 kilo calories” according to Runtastic. My Fitbit was decidedly nicer-it gave me credit for burning 600 calories. It was humid and cloudy, but I didn’t let that stop me today.  I was griping about not being active, so I made sure that I kept my word to myself. I worked out.

I’ve also joined a challenge with a friend.  She’s doing a squat challenge and after asking her about it, I decided I’d join her.  I did 36 squats yesterday-my thinking was that squats will help my cycling in that it’ll help strengthen my legs.  I was going to alternate legs and arms, but I promised that I would join her in her challenge.  It’s a month long thing. I started it yesterday, unofficially, but added in another 10 today, so I have 46 squats to my credit. I’m also looking at a challenge that WeAre2Fit2Quit is running.  I am intrigued by his challenge and am thinking that yes, I can and should do this.  Of course, I haven’t quite made up my mind how I’m going to sneak in that challenge (not sure on how to do Plies and I don’t like butt kickers, but hey, only 7 is fine for me…but that’s 7 x 2 because I have 6 things to do and my name (the one I am going by for this challenge) is 3 letters long.  I may get my husband involved in it too.  Just depends on him.

I can tell already that the next 30 days are going to be interesting. That’s the squat challenge alone. The one challenge for this week, I’m looking at.  If I start it today, I can finish it on Saturday (and I’d have to add in additional reps because I missed yesterday). I am planning on making this a good week. I promised myself I would work out and work out, I will.

I need motivation.  I need a bit of accountability.  Who’s up for pushing me and asking me, DID YOU WORK OUT TODAY?  I won’t get cranky and crabby. I promise.

Straying off the path, and finding the path to lead me back.

I saw an unpleasant change on my scale this week when I was sneaking onto it .(I was supposed to stay away, for a very good reason!).  I saw a gain.  Now I know, you absolutely have to be vigilant if you’re attempting to make changes and I slipped up.  I didn’t track and I didn’t exercise.  The biggie was, I didn’t exercise. If you want to see repeated success, you must follow the prescribed formula. In other words, you have to do what is proven and guaranteed to work!

So, because I slacked off, I saw the scale move the wrong way. Instead of beating myself up over it, I just refocused on what is important.  What’s really important is ME. Yep, I said it.  I. Am. Important. This journey I’m on, the path I’m following?  It’s about ME. I said that a few blogs ago. I’m working on what I need to do to make me happy.  What makes me happy is working out and knowing that I’m seeing results. I do it for the result.  It’s not for the “Hey! Look at me!  I work out!”  It’s for the knowledge that I am improving my mental health, first and foremost.

I hear you asking, “How is it improving your mental health?”  Well, when I do things, like taking walks, or dancing really hard, or riding my bike, I feel accomplished.  I mentally pat myself on the back and say, “You did a great job!” I am giving myself the validation I need to keep going.  That’s what it’s all about.

So I strayed off the path to a smaller, happier me. I didn’t sit and whine about how “I fell off.  I won’t get back on the path.” You see, I laid a path of rocks down as I was walking, rather than bread crumbs (remember the story of Hansel and Gretel?). I am not eating, but I’m looking for the shiny rocks, the ones that stand out and point me where I need to be. The rocks have been there, I just wasn’t looking for them for a short time. I’m looking for them again.  I found them.  Just need to make sure they glow because I have plans to keep looking for them.  I will find them.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you think you’ve lost your path, don’t give up! Just keep looking for it. It’s there, even if you take a small detour.  I detoured, found the path again and am making plans to keep that path in my line of vision at all times.

MORE thoughts

This was in my email this morning:

Elder’s Meditation of the Day – January 2
“People have to be responsible for their thoughts, so they have to learn to control them. It may not be easy, but it can be done.”
— Rolling Thunder, CHEROKEE
We control our thoughts by controlling our self talk. At any moment we choose we can talk to ourselves differently. The fight comes with the emotions that are attached to our thoughts. If our emotion is high and seems to be out of control, we can say to ourselves STOP IT!, take a few deep breaths, then ask the Creator for the right thought or the right decision or the right action. If we practice this for a while, our thought life will be different. It helps if in the morning we ask God to direct our thinking. God loves to help us.

Great Spirit, today, direct my thinking so my choices are chosen by You.

“People have to be responsible for their thoughts, so they have to learn to control them.” Basically, stop the negative self talking. Don’t put yourself down. I get it!  This was well sent this morning, I think.

Occasionally something comes along that I just need to share.  This was one of those things. It has me thinking today about how I’ve defeated myself in the past by talking negatively to myself. In order to be successful, you must believe in yourself.  I’ve told myself numerous times, “Oh, you can’t do that. You’re too (insert the appropriate adjective/adverb/noun here).  That’s part of why I’m attending WW meetings.  I’m trying to change the self talk.  Making it better. I’m the only one who can.  All the self-help books in the world won’t change one who won’t change his or herself first. You have to WANT the change. 

That being said, this is definitely food for thought for today.  Time to take a long look at my own inner talking.  My words to myself.  I need to be a kinder, gentler person to myself because if I don’t forgive myself and love myself first, nobody else will.

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