I recently read an article about different peoples’ versions of reality. It was a highly enlightening article. I can’t remember the article’s author, only that a friend of mine had posted it and it was thought provoking. It brought up that what one person thinks is another’s reality may be far from it. What appears to be the “perfect” scenario might be the farthest thing from reality. My life might appear appealing to someone who doesn’t have a family. I have friends who live their lives in a gym. That’s not a lifestyle I want, but maybe it’s best for them. I can’t say. I know that my view of their reality might be completely off. I only read what they post. For all I know, they have skeletons dancing in their closets. My point is, my view of reality is clouded by the “I really don’t know what’s truly happening. I only know what I perceive from reading all their postings.” I am sure they may be thinking that I’m a lazy slug who needs to be out doing something instead of posting pictures of gardens, belly dancers, cats, horses, etc.
Everyone’s view is different.
My reality, as I see it? I’m still writing the book on it. I’ll let you know when I get to it.
I’ve been thinking…a lot. I’ve been thinking about trying to get back into training, only this time on my own. I know that I can push the envelope and get myself into a reasonable facsimile of a martial artist.
I don’t have a true school to work with anymore. I’ve left one school due to a conflict with an instructor. I left another school due to my own insecurity. For the past two years, I’ve not concentrated on anything. I’ve just existed. I have taken Tai Chi, which I loved, but stopped those lessons in February after having to be out for a week with surgery.
I have a “BOB”. I have a garage to work out in. I just lack the motivation to push myself into working out. I have spoken with a friend of mine, who has warned me that trying to train myself is not always a good thing. He’s also made an offer that I’m mulling over. I can work with him–I’ll have to document ALL of my training and I’ll have to make darned sure that I’m following said training. At least once or twice a month, I’ll have to go to Houston to visit and work with him. I’ve forgotten so much more than I let on that frankly, I’m scared. I’m afraid that I’ll let myself down. I have high expectations for myself. I expect perfection. It’s not a good thing to do, but I am honest about it.
So, I’m mulling over the WHEN of when I’m going to start training. I need to keep up training with Alba. I need to push myself into not being lazy about documenting my food in my journal too. I spend entirely too much time saying “I’ll get around to it” and then that “round to it” never comes. I have to get into the frame of mind of DO IT NOW. Period. End of story.
Alba knows about BOB. We’ve talked about using him. I guess I need to get off my but and make myself do what I want to do. I can come home from work, leave the car in the driveway, move BOB out into the middle of the garage and work on kicks, punches, etc. It’s a matter of WHEN.
I also need to give Sa Bu Nim an answer. He’s patient and isn’t pushing me but…I need to continue to THINK. I need to talk to hubby and see what his opinion is.
I’m torn between being lazy and wanting to push myself back into some semblence of shape. I need to decide how important martial arts is to me. I talk to martial artists on a regular basis. I have acquired a good friend who is willing to go out of his way to help me. I need to help myself first.
The mind is a powerful thing. I need to push mine into submission and meditate on what I really want.
I’ve had a lot of time to think as I’m driving to and from work, both in the morning after dropping my oldest off at school and in the evening on the way home. I think as I’m singing or listening to music or words or something. It’s an essential part of who I am. I like to think. Sometimes I overthink things, but that’s just another facet of my personality.
The other day, there was a discussion about stress between my director and myself. We discussed the fact that I feel highly stressed a lot of the time at work. He said that it was his observation that that was just me and my personality, how I want things to be perfect and place a high emphasis on things. I’ve been thinking about that as it relates to my martial arts because if I’m getting stressed out at work because work is not perfect, what sort of an onus am I putting on my martial arts? Am I putting so much stress on myself that I’m slowly murdering my spirit?
In order to be a success at anything one sets out to do, they must exhibit a strong desire to do it. My desire is to improve myself, both mentally and physically. If it means I have to re-think the way I’m behaving, if I’m abusing my spirit, then I need to examine my motives and see what I can do to improve that. I don’t want to carry around an invisible lead overcoat, dragging myself down and keeping me from achieving my goals.
A good friend or two have told me, in no uncertain terms, to “get over myself”. The really funny thing is, I can agree with them. I am hurting myself as a person every time I cop an attitude, every time I let my own ideas of what things have to be like get in my way.