Still Striving to improve myself, one board break at a time

Posts tagged ‘exercise’

Getting dizzy isn’t fun

I’ve had a couple of bouts of “positional vertigo” recently that have knocked me flat. I noticed a couple of weeks ago that my shoulders were stiff and painful and then my right shoulder started to hurt.  On Monday and Tuesday, I woke up in the morning and had to wait for the room to stop spinning.  That was not a pleasant experience.  I finally broke down and went to my chiropractor, who adjusted my neck and the vertebra in my upper back.  I was dizzy turning over, so we waited that out.  He then adjusted my neck more and helped me sit up.  That was horrible. I am not a big fan of being ill and yet, ill I was. It took almost ten minutes for the room to stop spinning on me. Needless to say, I moved very slowly after that.

I did a cardio workout on Thursday–the room was NOT spinning that morning, which was a miracle in and of itself.  I was a bit on the grouchy side but I figure that was from the family being home and nobody wanting to do anything. 

Yesterday, I did another workout and wound up being dizzy when I went down to the floor.  The only thing I can think of was that I was doing crunches (with my hands behind my head) and maybe I put too much pressure on my neck.  One of my good friends, who is like an older sister to me, suggested that I check my sugar levels.  I probably should.  She also recommended that I make sure I’m getting enough electrolytes.  My mission today is to find a source for natural electrolyte replacements. I found a link on the “Mother Nature Network”, so I’m going to see how that works.  Need to see if I can find “unrefined salt.”  Anyone know what that is?

I’m open to suggestions, so if anyone has any suggestions about things I can try for electrolyte replacements, please let me know.

Starting over, only better

I gained. I weighed in last night and found out that I gained.  I was pissed.  I wasn’t just pissed, I was massively pissed. I still am, however, it’s nobody’s fault but my own. I am the only one who can change this.  I had a long talk with my Leader and told her I wasn’t feeling the motivation.  I don’t have an anchor. We had an exercise a few weeks ago where we thought about what we could use as our anchor-the motivation to keep us on our path.  I couldn’t visibly come up with one. I got discouraged and frustrated. And I let other stupid, outside things bother me.  That’s not really me. I can’t be stupid like that.  I need to get over that and move on.

Fast forward to last night.  I told my Leader that I was unhappy and not feeling good about things.  She advised me to focus on the positives and not beat myself up over the negatives.  I am working on that. I may have found my anchor-my bike.  I posted a picture of it and am thinking that my goal to be able to ride up hills without stopping and walking may be my point of motivation.  I have what others don’t have.  I have good health.  I have reasonably good weather (even despite the humidity!). I have a supportive husband and the few friends who are there and keep pushing me to succeed. I will make it happen.

I don’t expect everything to happen all at once, but I do expect that I’ll be riding my bike every day of the week by the end of June. That’s a reasonable goal to set and achieve. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not other people.  I am myself.  If I keep trying to compare myself to others, I will be one highly unhappy person. Therefore, I am blocking out the negative thoughts I had about their successes (“Why can’t I be the one losing a billion pounds?” “Why can’t I spend my free time in a gym, working out?” “Why don’t I have the support system other people have?”)  I am not other people. This isn’t about them, it’s about me, and only me.

I’ve started over.  I’m using MyFitnessPal to document my food and exercise. I have a Fitbit to track my daily activity levels.  I debate on whether or not to spend another $35.00 to get a ActivLink from Weight Watchers to go along with my Fitbit.  That entails a $5.00/month subscription to upload my activity to eTools.  I haven’t justified that to myself yet. I will concentrate on one thing at a time. This week, my plan is to use MFP to document my food and activity. If you have an MFP account, you’re welcome to “friend” me.  The more friends I have, the more I’ll use it and do what I’m supposed to do, which is to document and make things work. Otherwise, just ask me if I’ve worked out.  That helps, believe it or not. Just send me a message and I’ll give you my MFP user name.

Speaking of working out…I’m doing a squat challenge with a friend.  Today’s total is 70. Tomorrow is 75, then 80.  Then we rest and go after it again with 80, 85, 90.  I think that’s how I read it.  7 sets of 10 reps. Otherwise I have to do 6 sets of 12 and that’s an odd number. Well, you know what?  Who cares? I’ll do it anyway, just to be difficult. I did find that it helped yesterday.  My mantra, while I was out on my bike, was “My legs are stronger. My legs are stronger.” My legs won’t be the only thing stronger.  My mind will also be stronger. As I work on my physical strength and weight loss, I’m also working on my mental health.  I need to ditch the baggage that says I’m not good enough.  I AM good enough. I am me and only me. I’m responsible for how I feel/what I do. I feel good and plan on keeping it that way.

 

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Tools for success

Tools for success

This is my go-to exercise of choice. It doesn’t FEEL like exercise, unless I’m riding up a hill.

Fitting in activity

Even when I think I’m getting enough movement in, I find out that I’m not. I did numerous loads of laundry today, which necessitated walking to and from my  master bedroom multiple times, plus going into the laundry room and back out.  Did I get many steps?  Not only no, but absolutely, resoundingly NO WAY. It’s frustrating. I wanted to think that I was a fairly active person today, but even going to Walmart for a small-ish shopping trip wasn’t enough to raise me up over 5k steps.  I won’t make my plan today, that’s for sure.

I have done other exercise today, so I am not bashing myself under any circumstances. However, I know that in order to lose weight, you have to burn more calories than you consume. That’s the law of weight loss, as we all know. Now I have to figure out what to do to increase my activity level. Some ideas include riding my bike (weather permitting), walking somewhere (again, weather permitting, unless I go to a mall, which isn’t likely), push ups (not going to earn me activity points), Wii Fit, dancing, etc. It’s frustrating to me.  I want to be able to go brag to my friends, “Hey, I just worked out and did this, this, this and this.”  Instead, I have to maintain radio silence. The only good thing is, I’m not eating tons of food.  In fact, at present, despite me buying things for dinner, I’m not likely to eat because I’m not overly hungry.  I’m listening to that cue from my body. I’m feeling “blah” as my daughter and I like to say. It’s not a good feeling. I feel like I’ve eaten entirely too much and yet, I can list what I have eaten and it’s again, not high points. Maybe it was the romaine lettuce I devoured for lunch.  0 points, except for the salad dressing (fat-free honey mustard). I’m just all of a sudden feeling rather-stuffed.  Lunch was many hours ago too. 

I guess I need to go chase my  lawn mower around my yard again.  I’m sure I’ll get some activity that way and it’s something I actually like doing. 

Kryptonite and Confidence

What is your Kryptonite?  My mind, that obnoxious little voice in my head that tells me I have to be in competition with others, that I’m not as good as them, etc. is my Kryptonite. That little voice wears down my confidence.

After the excitement of losing my 10%, I didn’t go to two meetings and definitely didn’t track.  It showed up on the scale last week.  I committed myself to tracking again—my leader says “You only plan to lose weight on the days you track.”  I listened and tracked.  I upped my water as I’d slacked off on drinking and instead, netted a gain of .2. That, in and of itself, is not overly bad. It’s just frustrating on top of what I saw last week. I know it’s all a part of the cycle, but I was irritated and then some. I did weigh in though.  That could have been a “nope.  Not going to do it.”  I faced the music and owned my weight.  Wasn’t pleased.  Still am not, but am doing something about it.

On Facebook, I am constantly bombarded by people who share their apparent successes all the time.  I never see them telling people that they’ve had setbacks.  I get frustrated by that because I’m sure they do have setbacks.  I wonder if they think that people won’t be cheering them on if they admit to it? I guess it’s a matter of how they perceive their reality.  I really have to stop basing my success vision on what I see other people doing/saying.  I don’t know how much of what they’re posting is just a “I’m going to post because people expect me to post feel good stuff.”

I struggle with motivation to exercise.  I don’t LIKE to work out. I was recently told that I need to be putting in a couple of hours a day in order to meet an unrealistic goal I set. I have since changed that goal because 1. It was highly unrealistic and 2. I want to do things in a healthy way, not an obsessed way. I don’t have the money to spend hours in a gym every day. The main reason I don’t want to go to a gym, in addition to the lack of funding, is that I feel like people are staring at me and judging me.  I’m 5’4″ and carry my weight in my stomach, butt, hips and thighs.  I am highly self conscious.  I don’t want to have some uber fit people stare at me and say “why is that fat person here?”  Yes, I know that the uber fit people are more likely not interested in one lowly person like me, but it’s my perception. That’s the self consciousness talking. It demonstrates a lack of confidence in myself.

I was invited to a group on Facebook to “skip the weighing in May”.  I won’t be joining, mainly because that’s my accountability of success.  Yes, it’s only numbers on the scale, but…that’s how I track my personal success. These people that are running that group are very supportive of each other and cheer each other on constantly.  Sometimes I wish they’d actually hunt me down, either on my page or in messages and ask me, “how are you doing?”  I do feel like they’re disgusted with me and refuse to talk to me because I don’t belong to their support groups and things. Again, it’s my perception of things. I kind of would like to see a message from them saying “keep it up!” They look at my pictures and share those, but there isn’t ever a pat on the back or an ‘atta-girl’.  Sometimes that means a lot. Maybe not to a lot of people, but to this person who is desperate for some recognition for making changes that are just as significant as what others are doing, it’s a lot. Again, this is a confidence issue.  I don’t want to compare myself to these people who lose all the time, who are not struggling with mental issues about weight and self image. I don’t need that and frankly, while I’m flattered that they invited me, I question why they asked me.  I’m sure it was about being nice and trying to be supportive.

This isn’t about other people. It’s about ME.  Yes, I gained. Am I happy about it?  Oh hell no! I am in control of my own destiny.  I will get this off. I don’t plan on it taking me another 8 months to reach 10%. I plan on making my next 10% in the next four months or so. It’s doable.  I won’t tell you how much I have to lose, but it’s a lot. Let’s just say that by the end of May, I want to be 2 inches smaller (I guess I better take measurements now!), I want to be exercising at least 3 times a week (this will happen, guaranteed!) and I want to be more confident in myself.

Once upon a time, I earned a black belt.  I was a lot heavier then than I am now.  I want to get that confident feeling back.  I want to feel as accomplished as I did then. I want to be healthy and happy.  I admit I have problems.  I am a food addict, I lack self confidence and I want acknowledgement that I am just as good as other people. I need to stop competing with people because it makes me feel resentful of their successes and makes me demean myself. I am just as good as anyone else. I have to stop comparing myself to them. I am a good person.  I just need to remember this and repeat it constantly.

 

 

Straying off the path, and finding the path to lead me back.

I saw an unpleasant change on my scale this week when I was sneaking onto it .(I was supposed to stay away, for a very good reason!).  I saw a gain.  Now I know, you absolutely have to be vigilant if you’re attempting to make changes and I slipped up.  I didn’t track and I didn’t exercise.  The biggie was, I didn’t exercise. If you want to see repeated success, you must follow the prescribed formula. In other words, you have to do what is proven and guaranteed to work!

So, because I slacked off, I saw the scale move the wrong way. Instead of beating myself up over it, I just refocused on what is important.  What’s really important is ME. Yep, I said it.  I. Am. Important. This journey I’m on, the path I’m following?  It’s about ME. I said that a few blogs ago. I’m working on what I need to do to make me happy.  What makes me happy is working out and knowing that I’m seeing results. I do it for the result.  It’s not for the “Hey! Look at me!  I work out!”  It’s for the knowledge that I am improving my mental health, first and foremost.

I hear you asking, “How is it improving your mental health?”  Well, when I do things, like taking walks, or dancing really hard, or riding my bike, I feel accomplished.  I mentally pat myself on the back and say, “You did a great job!” I am giving myself the validation I need to keep going.  That’s what it’s all about.

So I strayed off the path to a smaller, happier me. I didn’t sit and whine about how “I fell off.  I won’t get back on the path.” You see, I laid a path of rocks down as I was walking, rather than bread crumbs (remember the story of Hansel and Gretel?). I am not eating, but I’m looking for the shiny rocks, the ones that stand out and point me where I need to be. The rocks have been there, I just wasn’t looking for them for a short time. I’m looking for them again.  I found them.  Just need to make sure they glow because I have plans to keep looking for them.  I will find them.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you think you’ve lost your path, don’t give up! Just keep looking for it. It’s there, even if you take a small detour.  I detoured, found the path again and am making plans to keep that path in my line of vision at all times.

The immortal words of James Brown…

“I feel good! I knew that I would!!”

It’s been a bit since I made the conscious decision to stop trying to obtain the approval of someone as far as my workouts are concerned.  I feel so much more relaxed and willing to do the workouts I do. I feel pretty darned good about it.

I’m taking off work for the last part of the week. I managed to get out of bed *early* today.  That’s pretty exciting, especially in light of the fact that I have a bad habit of hitting the snooze button constantly. My alarm goes off at 5:15 and I snooze until 6:00 am usually.  Not a good idea, especially since I’m responsible for two of us getting out the door in the morning.  One of us has to be at her destination at 7:00 am.  I have to be at mine at 7:30.  It’s tight some days, especially when I’m running late because I’ve used many slams of my hand on the snooze button!!

Today I got up at 5:30, put my exercise clothes on and jumped out into the living room. I took over the front room while my kids were still getting up. I used my Beachbody program and worked out. I did a longer  workout than yesterday. It was tough. I found myself laughing in my head as I tried to keep up with Shaun T on the tape. I didn’t stop though! Part of the work out involved “real” push ups.  I can do over 100 push ups at the wall, standing. I’ve modified them to suit my lack of strength with the blessing of my chiropractor, but I do them. Doing the “real” ones on the ground is an accomplishment.  No, I’m not in plank position-they’re still modified but they. Are. Push ups.

How do I feel after this workout and the series of workouts I’ve been doing?  Pretty darned good. I feel like I’m doing something good for me, I’m seeing benefits (ABS!!!) and I’m working harder than I would have been by just sitting on the couch. It’s part of the commitment I made to myself. The other commitment I’ve made is to stop letting the people who refuse to acknowledge me bother me.  They’re in their own worlds. That’s good for them.  I wish them success in all their endeavors.  I’m successful in my own way and damn!  I. Feel. GOOD!!!

 

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