Still Striving to improve myself, one board break at a time

Missing a piece of me

Board breaking 9/21/07

I found myself thinking today about the things I don’t have–a lot of friends, physical fitness, my health intact.
I miss my karate. I miss being able to go to a class and work hard. I miss being able to say “I can do ___ (fill in the blanks)”. I miss the hard work it took to prepare for my black belt test. I miss the camaraderie I had with my classmates. Eventually everyone moves on. Things change.

When I changed schools, I didn’t feel like I was doing well. In fact, I wasn’t. I was completely out of my element. I was overwhelmed by my own insecurities. I have been accused of feeling sorry for myself. I’ve been accused of not working to earn what I wanted. I have been accused of being a “whiner”.

I’m back to thinking about karate. I spent a few weeks working on reading a book called Zen in the Martial Arts by Joel Hyams. Very good read. I have had it for close to a year and just got around to reading it. Now that I’ve read it, I’m back to thinking that I need to start back into training. I may never advance from Cho Dan to anything else, but it’ll at least be a chance to say “I did something for me, something I wanted to do.” Now all I need to do is either make good on my threats to myself or shut up.

It’s time to start working on what I miss.

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